During these months where there's no sports to talk about besides that terrible one played on a diamond in a park, I give you the late great George Carlin.
"And finally the objectives of the two games are totally different. In football, the object is for the quarterback, otherwise known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy, in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use the shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack which punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line. In baseball, the object is to go home! And to be safe! I hope I'll be safe at home!"
-George Denis Patrick Carlin, 1937-2008